Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Haven't Been Able to Blog

I am having a bad hair day or should I say I'm truly just not feeling my new look at all. I don't know what the problem is. I haven't been able to blog or let DH take pics of me because I am just not feeling it anymore. I feel like I made a huge mistake taking my 1st set down. Why did I do that? To get straight parts?? That is crazy. I should have just gotten the locs fixed and kept my full head of hair. I used to say "I am not my hair" but truly, I think I am because I feel like my hair looks straggly and ridiculous. I can't get over the difference. In a little over 4 weeks I still feel like it is the 1st day. I went to have my 3 week check up and she washed it and had to do a full re-tightening due to new growth. That was interesting...

The locs are going every which way and they don't cooperate with me. It looks thinned out and has no life whatsoever. I have never experienced that before and I am very self conscience about it. I keep trolling other's blogs, especially Blaq's. Her hair is truly da bomb and I keep looking and telling myself that one day...... but I don't believe that because my progression is vastly different. The "filling in" is not happening, especially in the front. It just looks flat and drab. I hate trying to freestyle because that is the worst look. I have curled and braided out and it still looks crazy. It feels hard and strange. The so called curly cues look like afro puffs on the ends to me. It's like this is not the same head of hair. I still grieve my loss of over 100 locs from the 1st set which confirms that a lot of hair was lost in the take down, not to mention the damage. It looks fuzzy and down right bad.

So much has occured since my 2nd installation. My girlfriend Daena's mom passed and that was horribly fast. She was diagnosed in Jan and passed in April. Too much to swallow. It seems that everyone is being diagnosed with cancer these days. In the grand scheme of things, I should not complain at all when I look at what is happening to those around me. I ought to be ashamed to lament about hair.

On a good note, I did start a program thru my church called the CHIP Program. CHIP stands for Coronary Health Improvement Program. It is a 4 week program geared towards helping people fight disease basically with a knife and fork. Focus is on lowering cholesterol, high bp, coronary artery disease and diabetes and fighting obesity. My cholesterol was much higher than I thought and I am overweight. I decided that I wanted to change my lifestyle once and for all. I have done the yo-yo thing for too many years. I know how to lose weight but have failed miserably at keeping it off. This was my last ditch effort to do what needed to be done years ago. The program endorses a vegan lifestyle. The Seventh Day Adventist Church already promotes a vegetarian lifestyle but that doesn't necessarily mean that one is eating "healthy". There is still a high percentage of folk that suffer from ailments that could be avoided just by changing the diet habits. I am thankful that I do not suffer from any disease, however, I can afford to live a healthier lifestyle and knew that I needed to get moving again.

I am pleased to say that I successfully completed the program in the 4 weeks and lost 9 lbs in the process. I can truly say that I am done with meat and dairy (for now......) I hate to say never again but after everything I gleaned from the program, I am convinced that it is not for me. There are so many different alternatives to use and still feel like you are satisfied and eating well. I am loving all of the new recipes and have even tried some raw food recipes. This is a new concept and journey for me and at 46 soon to be 47 it was long overdue. We have our formal graduation this coming weekend and I am looking forward to it. Just hope the hair cooperates!!!!

I started my walking program again with my girlfriend Regina who is quite the little motivator. She calls me faithfully each day to get my tail out of the house to walk the streets of Laurel, Md. Lots of ground has been covered and it's paying off. My b-day is in June and I would love to be able to experience a different size at that time. Hair, body, what can I say?? This is crazy.

I am going to try and wait this out (the hair that is) but I have been known to be very impatient. I need to feel better about my appearance in general but the hair is the focal point at this time. If my hair is jacked, I am jacked. At least that's my motto. Even being overweight, I feel like if my hair, nails and feet are done, I've won half the battle. Right now, I feel like I'm losing. Just being honest ladies. I have made some bonehead decisions in my day but I think this one takes the cake. You live and you learn. I might post some pics this week, depends on how I'm feeling. Lost my zeal for posting since I am so self conscience. Bear with me.

9 comments:

Amina said...

Don't feel bad hunny. Claire told me that I might end up growing some new locks in addition to the ones I already have. I really didn't understand it at first, but now I see in the front and back where that could happen. It might happen to you too. For some reason the last email you sent me went into the spam box, and I just got it yesterday. The offer is still open for nondairy lattes.... ;)

It can't possibly be as bad as it seems to you, your last pics were beautiful. Even if you were bald, you and your fierce eyebrows (that are always neatly arched I notice) would reflect the inside of you, which, from what I have seen, is witty, and generous.

Keep your head up! Good job on the new health regime!

Wendi aka "Wendosa" said...

Hey Amina,
Thanx for the encouragement girl. I think I am just going thru withdrawals. I just feel so different. Claire has been wonderful and patient with me. I know I just need to give it some time.
We will get together soon and definately for nondairy drinks. I will email you off line again.
I get my brows done by a lady in SS. Her name is Ruby and she threads them. It's an indian technique. She lives in Cross Creek off of Briggs Chaney and works from home. She does my brows and nails. Thanx for the compliment.

Lakia said...

I am sorry to hear about your girlfriends mother. You will see your hair fill in once your locking phase begins again. I have gone from eating all veggies and fish to eating all veggies. I keep eggs and dairy in my diet because I need the protein. I have not had meats in almost five months. I have never felt so much better!

Meikmeika said...

I'm confused....Your hair looks absolutely perfect in your previous post. I think you're being to hard on yourself and focusing too much on the past. Yes you could have kept your first set of locks but would you have been happy? Would you want to go through repeated experiences of being asked who locked your hair and being told it was done incorrectly? Would you be continuously asking yourself if you should re-do them? I personally feel you made the best choice. You now have your foundation. Just give it some time.... Time will go by quickly when you stop placing so much focus on how your locks appear today. Please don't do anything drastic and allow your locks to settle. Patience is key. Your locks are gorgeous!

No meat or dairy huh??!! That's wonderful! I love me some soy lattes!!! Great job on the weight loss as well!!!

Keep your head up...

Naturally Sophia said...

Regarding your hair, it's beautiful. I have lock envy of some other bloggers too. But we are all blessed with our own unique set of locks. Your hair will fill in over time and with the right nourishment. Drink plenty of water and consider breaking vitamin E gel capsules and massaging itinto your scalp once a week. Use all natural products, continue with your diet and drink plenty of water. Think of it as your skin healing from a scar or cut, it doesn't happen overnight but it happens. This time your hair will grow back into nice parts. That is very important for updos and styling.

Plus larger locks usually equal more volume, which is great. Besides number of locks has to do with head size and forehead size ( the size of the village), how large each strand is (if the people in your village are fat or thin), and how many strands you have ( the number of ppl in your village).

I empathize with you. I took my first set of locks down. they were traditonal, beautiful; and I still remember how they sprouted around m crown. I remember how certain locks shaped and forget they aren't there sometimes. But that was then. I had to exit that to enter into this.

I am sorry about your loss of your friends' mother. But she should be sorry for us because she is free from all the turmoil on Earth. My mother is a breast cancer survivor for 5 years now. but my aunt passed away 8 years ago. Your loss hits close to home.

CONGRATULATIONS on changing your diet and exercise habits! The weight you have loss and discipline to the new eating habits are amazing. You are beautiful. Even if you were bald with no feet or hands to have nails on, you would still be beuatiful. Beauty is something God gave you and no hairstyle can change that!

Enough hogging your blog (for now, lol!) Keep that pep in your step! You have a lot to be greatful for!

Allecia said...

First, Congratulations on your life changes! You are far more disciplined than I am. I love dairy and bacon too much to go vegan.

As for your hair, do you think that maybe these locks are slightly larger (rather than that you had a lot of hair loss)? I think your hair still looks good. I like the slight curl you have in the last pictures. It sounds like you lost more length than you had anticipated in your hair cut and I imagine that may contribute to your dissatisfaction. I think you'll love your hair more and more as it gets back to your previous length.

Wendi aka "Wendosa" said...

You ladies are awesome. Why do I feel like I know all of you. Your words of encouragement are so kind, non-judgemental and so appreciated. I think I am just in a funk and am spending too much time in comparison land.I do however, have it all in perspective. I am extremely thankful for my life, health, family and friends. I attended the memorial service of my girlfriend's mom last nite and it was a beautiful testament to her life. In the scheme of things, as Sophia stated so eloquently, beauty is God given no matter what. Hair is just that, hair. I would rather be able to say that my life was meaningful and that I contributed something while here amongst the living and have the assurity that I am saved and will one day see God's face. So on that note, I will stop tripping and get on with living... Pics to come soon.

NappTown said...

Oh good, I can not wait to see the new pics. I know that they are going to be nice. I truly thought your last pics were beautiful. I love your hair. Why are we our worst critics? I admire your strenght on the weight loss and handliing your friends mother's passing. Stay stong and encouraged. God bless.
Much love :-)

QueenLi said...

here is the Queens advice for how to deal with bad hair days:

1. get a hat {www.Berzu.com}

2. get a wig! {yeah, I've been there, done that, in the first year, when I was not used to my locks, and getting negative comments, and looking for a job}

3. get some headwraps/scarves.

4. *Sigh* write/blog about "WHY" you think you are having a bad hair day, and document everything that is happening in your life at that moment, because sometimes, it is NOT our hair, it could be man trouble, family members, job, PMS, and other factors, and then we end up taking it out on our hair!
{again, been there, done that!}

No use crying over spilled Napps!
see the long locks that "I" cut off just last year here:
http://queenlilocjourney.blogspot.com/2006_02_01_archive.html

Then check out my latest blog with a pic of my "Starter Locks" yeah, that's right, this is my second time around, and I'm dealing with it differently than the last time.
I will have more pics hopefully this AUG. {right now, I am experiencing with something new!, and I won't say "what" I'm doing to my hair, so you will have to come back AUG.}

Take Care~